Thursday, March 10, 2011

Psychosomatic Symptoms

Out of all the beliefs, doctrines, and lessons that I have learned as an active LDS member of the church, there is one thing that I do not understand.

All my life, I've been told "If you do A,B and C, you'll get D, E, and F."
Is God a conditional God? Is that the way the world works?

I don't understand how that is fair, or even spiritually ethical.

For an organization that preaches love and acceptance towards all men, they certainly suck at it.

I'm a member because of the doctrine. It has absolutely nothing to do with the people in the church. If that were the case, I certainly would not be a part of it.

And for an organization that claims to have all the answers, and opposes so many other things, they certainly don't have information (or at least don't give it out) to offer to their loyal, and devout members. Nearly every priesthood holder that I have encountered and confronted with the issue of  my homosexuality has known complete zero on the subject. Many have told me that they cannot help me because they don't know how to deal with it. And those that have tried, fail. Miserably. Mostly because they try to handle it like some sort of addiction or behavioral problem, and then when they are given an opportunity to be educated, they do not take advantage of it because it does not come from a viable source i.e. their leaders.

Throughout my entire experience as a member, meaning my whole life, my past, and my current issues, have not been dealt with in a healthy, or efficient way at all. Except for one therapist out of the five I've seen.

Bottom line: I'm finding heartache and detachment where I should be finding joy and peace.
Its the church's fault I was abused. Its the church's fault that the other children were abused.
And its the church's fault that no one else had any knowledge of it.

So for an organization that proclaims hope to the world, they should work better at actually giving it to people, instead of making it seem like there is none at all to be had.

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