Monday, May 9, 2011

Taped up ceilings and paper on the walls

So I have successfully moved, and settled in Logan, UT as of May 7th, 2011.
I think I really like it. There are tons of new people to make relationships with and I'm already becoming familiar with the landscape and such. I think moving here earlier was a very good decision.
I've already applied to several good places of working that I think I have a good chance of being hired at, and I will apply for more tomorrow.

I met my roommate while I was unpacking, who's name is Brett, and he is a swell guy! He's from Texas, he's 23, and he's going to be a Psych major too! I think he's a sophomore though. Anyway, I think he's a really great guy and we're becoming pretty good friends I suppose.

He and I went to church yesterday. Church is at 9 AM, which I'm totally fine with, but it was also High Council Sunday apparently. It was also Mother's Day.

So we get there, sit down, and we listen. The councilman mostly spoke about families, getting married, having children, raising said children etc. One man spoke about women and the gift of being mothers.
I won't lie, it kinda felt a little creepy when he started talking about how great it was that women could grow children inside themselves, and conception and all that. I looked around and noticed more than a few uncomfortable facial expressions on some young women's faces. All in all though, it was a good sacrament meeting.

One feeling that had kept coming up was the idea that I was in a new place. Its a fresh start, no one knows me at all. I could make them think whatever I wanted to. They didn't have to know about my homosexuality, or my abuse. I could be a normal, LDS guy without these issues or anything like that. The feeling felt exactly the same as when I was was pretending like everything was dandy after my abuse was brought to light. It felt familiar, and fake.

So, I quickly decided against it. But the desire was surprisingly strong.  However, I refuse to live a lie, and so it was kind of a no brainer.

We then had Sunday school, which was about recognizing how great a gift the gospel and the church is and all that. It was a good lesson with lots of areas for participation, and the guy teaching was really good at it. I didn't pay a ton of attention, but I stayed awake and wrote in my journal.

Then Brett and I went to Elders quorum. It was all about missions. I felt like it was difficult for me to participate because all the teacher's questions were "what happened on your mission?" "What was a cool, inspirational story from your mission?" "Did you teach any muslims or atheists?" And so on and so forth.

I'm not at the point anymore where I feel different or isolated for not going on a mission. Its not like I had a crazy choice in the matter anyways, but even if I did, I'ms till not sure I would go. The feeling I gather is that I am meant to accomplish things here. That I can do more good here right now than somewhere else.
Something I've learned and understood recently is that the mission is something that is meant for the individual going on it. Yeah, other people are supposed to benefit from it as well and whatnot. But I really believe that the mission is supposed to help the missionary grow, and become who God wants them to be, more than anything else.

That does not mean I need to go on one to accomplish that.

Anyway, during the rest of that lesson, I just continued to write in my journal. It wasn't terrible.

And the seats in the institute building cup your butt, so I was quite comfortable.

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